Helping Children Through Grief
The grieving process in children is highly complex , since so much depends on each child’s stage of development.
If children do not work on their grief , behavioural problems may arise now or later.
As soon as possible after a death, time should be set aside to talk with a child who is bereaved . Gently explain what is happening in the family and why people are crying etc.
Use the deceased person’s name when referring to him or her.
Use basic words like “die” and “death” to convey the message. Avoid the phrases that “soften the blow” such as “sleeping”, “went on holiday”, “God took them” etc. These may confuse and scare the child.
Let the child ask questions. Answer truthfully. Be honest, simple and direct. If you don’t understand something, let the child know that.
Be sensitive to the age and level of understanding of the child. Don’t offer information beyond the child’s comprehension as this could confuse matters.
Play with the child in ways that will allow the child to express his/her feelings eg. dolls, drawing, fantasy work etc.
There are some excellent books for children on grieving available from Veritas. However, if you give a child a book, read it with him/her.
Where appropriate, talk about God with the child and pray with the child.
Always get the child to lead the prayer session.
Let a child participate in burial and mourning rituals, insofar as he/she wants to. However, it is very important that you do not pressurise a child into expressing feelings or into going to funerals, cemetry visits etc.
The parent/guardian of the child should normally be the one to help the child to grieve. Encourage parents to share their feelings with their child/ren. If parents hide their grief, children will learn to hide their grief too.
Watch for tell-tale signs of maladjustment eg eating and/or sleeping disturbances over a period of time.
Discuss and have the child recognise changes in routine due to the death.
Do not be disappointed if a child does not understand or appreciate death. He/she is going through a learning experience and discovery and this takes time.
The following websites may contain some information that could help you to help your child.
The following books are available from Veritas and may be of some use in helping your child to deal with grief:
Time Without You – Moving through the rooms of Grief.
Thinking of Heaven – Prayers for sad goodbyes.
Sad Isn’t Bad – Guidebook for children dealing with loss
When Bad things Happen – A guide to help kids cope
May You Find Comfort- A blessing for times of grieving.
Special Dream – Personal accounts after the death of a loved one.
Helping your child through bereavement.
Grieving – A Beginner’s Guide
Lifetimes- The beautiful way to explain death to children.
When Your Child Loses a loved one.
Helping Children Grieve
Waterbugs and Dragonflies
Helping Children Cope with Grief
Butterflies- Talking with children about death
Guiding Children Through Life’s Losses ( Young Teens)
Coolock Library may also have copies of these or other suitable books.
